I put my hand up on your hip. When you dip, I dip, we dip.

I live in New York City near the Manhattan side of the Brooklyn Bridge.  The apartment I live in is new and has never been lived in until now.  It has a washer and dryer inside the apartment, which - for those of you who do not live in a huge urbanopolis - is somewhat of a treat.

I frequently show it to people as if I was displaying a prized treasure like a bequeathed Gauguin sketch or a hanky once used by Babe Ruth.  And the washer and dryer (Scandavian maker, b*tch) sit stacked in their own little closet just waiting to surprise guests and bask in the envy of their reactions.  Usually it's "Oh...an electric dryer" which is Le douche for "Asshole has a dryer."  

For rent:  Bath.  Room.  

It's amazing what is considered a hot commodity in this town.  Someone actually offered to pay rent to use my bathroom as an art studio.  She was a tiny, chin-haired bonnet-wearing ceramicist from Sicily who chain smoked and spit a lot.  

I curse you no matter what!

Anyway - I moved in last September - a week late - after Hurricane Irene had her way with the tri-state area.  I landed a new gig at another enormous financial firm that - at times - invokes lots of brutal internet commentary and an occasional "shit bomb."  

So far, so good.  (Yikes - I once said THAT a board room meeting to my boss' boss' boss when she asked me how things were going.  A week later I quit.  Boo-yah!)

No - things are really good.  I find myself back in Jersey more than I thought.  DAMNIT FRIENDS AND FAMILY - it's New York City.  Come here.  Don't make me go there.  Come here. Granted - there is more dog shit, horse shit and - quite frankly - human shit on the streets then you might find in your neighborhood but hey...need i say anything more but New York City has...Times Square...

I'll show you a good time.  Oh and I can do your taxes.  I'm a registered CPA.  

Times Square.  In my younger youth, Times Square was like the back section of the Village Voice.  Full of any type of depravity you could think of.  Whether you paid for it or not, you could get peed on, spit on, a contact high and an STD or two all in an afternoon.  Now a days, Times Square is actually a set piece for "Good Morning America."  It's like watching an episode of "OMG GMA" - a little bit of news here and there but mostly just commercials.  Avoid it like it was Times Square 1984.  You're not actually getting peed on, spit on, a contact high or an STD anymore but isn't that better then a night out at Cheesecake Factory and a picture of you giving a thumbs up next to J.Lo's wax figurine.

Anyway - NYC Favorites:

Food trucks.  $2 buys me a cup of roasted coffee that must be infused with crack cocaine because I can't live without it and would probably rob a pharmacy and/or a cookie-selling Girl Scout troop in order to fund my habit if I was broke and unable to sell my body due to withdrawals.  It's that good. 

Also - Korean BBQ Food Truck...Kimichi...if you ever try to leave...I will battle you.  I will lose.  

Lower East Side.  Yes you are hip now and less dependent on heroin (or so 80's obvious about it) but you will never be what Brooklyn Heights is today.  Keep it up.  

Brooklyn Heights.  Thank you for being what you are today.  I love your waterfront and your $15 barber who offers up cold shots of vodka and bottles of Stella on the house.  

West Broadway/TriBeCa - it will be our little secret.  

Anyway - there is more to say, more to joke about and more to comment on.  But for now.  So far, so good.    

ECITWC 2: BOOZE AND FOOD

BOOTED & SUITED

So for this little excursion to Portland, my fine friend and I decided that we would not gorge ourselves in one fell swoop and not get besotted in one watering hole.  We decided - quite wisely - to stuff our faces with an assortment of appetizers and went one by one to a different bar, lounge, tavern, whiskey house, saloon.

FIRST STOP:  TEARDROP LOUNGE

Drinks = Delicious and expertly mixed.  For example:  

White Flag

softly acidic, cascading toward a gentle bitterness Tanqueray ginCombier Pamplemousse rose liqueur Fernet Brancalemonagave nectar  

Overall Verdict:  Meh.

The drinks were magnificent (we had two a piece) and the bartender was cool and knowledgeable but the atmosphere was crap.  It made no sense.  As one yelper put it:  "The vibe was... meh. I know they are trying to go for a modern feel, but there was way too much cement and gray for it to be stylish. The layout makes it really hard to walk anywhere and it's a pretty cramped and non-intimate space, especially on Saturday nights."


Here, here!




SECOND STOP:  CLYDE COMMON
Drinks = Delicious and expertly mixed.  For example:

Strega Sour: 9.

Gin, Strega, lemon juice, egg whites, tea-infused honey syrup

Overall Verdict:  Fantastic.  Both of the truffled popcorn and the fideo, sausage, calamari, scallop, squid in squid ink appetizers (holla...) were delicious and satisfying.

THIRD STOP:  ANDINA - a peruvian establishment.
We almost walked out because it looked like there was a wait and it was slightly chaotic.  However - on second thought everyone looked happy and eager to be there - customers and wait staff alike.  We decided to stay and thank goodness we did...holy freaking goodness:

CARAPULCRA CON PUERCO

Cascade Natural pork loin stuffed with Fontal cheese, pan-roasted to order atop wild boar-potato carapulcra,

seasoned with ají panca, peanuts and Moonstruck Fortunato No. 4 Peruvian chocolate, served with a red wine-poached pear 24.

OVERALL - Portland is awesome.  I would say visit it as part of an overall trip to the Pacific Northwest.  Due Seattle, St. Helens and Portland during a long weekend and you are good to go.