Unacceptable!

NUMERO 1: I want to knock this salad to the ground and steal it's handbag.  

They call it...Geriatric Salad.  Right up there with Weedy Pelvic Floors and Hipster Parents that make their toddlers shit on subway grates -- I am aggravated and my brow furiously narrows.  The kicker is you serve the salad with mayo and lemons.  The top just literally blew off the top of my freakin' head!





Ingredients
2 envelopes gelatin
1 cup hot water
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup white vinegar
One 15-ounce can asparagus, drained and chopped
1 cup diced celery
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1/4 cup pimentos, chopped
2 teaspoons minced onion
1/2 lemon, juiced
Kosher salt
Mayo, for dipping
Lemon wedges, for garnish

Directions
In a large bowl, add 1 cup cold water, sprinkle the gelatin on top and allow to dissolve. In the meantime, add the hot water and sugar to another bowl and stir together. Then add the white vinegar and stir until it dissolves. Pour the sugar mixture over the gelatin. Place in the freezer and stir occasionally until it thickens, about 30 minutes.

Remove from the freezer and add the asparagus, celery, pecans, pimentos, onions, lemon juice and salt to taste. Pour into a mold and place in the refrigerator until ready to serve.

Serve with mayo and lemons.

Read more at: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/geriatric-salad-recipe/index.html?oc=linkback


NUMERO 2: An entire planeload of people simultaneously damning Dolly Parton to hell for writing such a nice li'l song.  It actually happened.  Somewhat.  

At the very least I can take comfort in the fact that I wasn't on the red eye flight from LA to NYC that featured a woman in a diabetic shock singing Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" at the top of her lungs until the plane diverted in Kansas City.